It’s going to be my seventh year standing outside of the church counting down with God for the New Years. Each year at the same time, in a different place, with new stories… Every year I am thankful for all I have and look forward to achieving new goals for the up coming year. But I’ve realized that 2013 has been the most meaningful year to me.
I was always the girl who paid close attention to my life, and was known as the “sensitive” one. I don’t remember when I decided that mom’s dream was no longer for me. I chose to fulfill my own passions with my life. Truly, this is what made me the woman I am today. Yet deep down inside, I feel there are pieces missing. These being the reasons I find myself feeling alone, doubting or insecure. I don’t fully believe in being positive all the time because I don’t want to fake emotions. We are human and honestly, we will always worry. Most of the time I fight; fight out the pain. This has made me strong; at the same time it has torn me apart. I have become who I want to be, but not who I was meant to be. This made me question, at the end of the day what if I lose myself? Then everything means nothing.. Being myself is much easier than pretending to be someone else. Luckily, I always have my dream to guide me. While I follow my dreams, I stumble upon many creative callings. I think, can I do something more or greater?
In 2013, I had an unexpected experience shooting for MeshYoga on a waterfall in Hawaii. I met the most unique and inspirational woman there. Then something happened; it was a “still” moment that changed the way I see myself. (I will post this story soon). I had my dream, but after that day I have something more than a dream, it is belief. I ended up canceling my flight, staying in Maui on my own for weeks. When I put myself in nature alone, I found my natural personality. I was happier than I had ever been before because it was not from any object or person, but deep down within myself. This is real happiness. It made me realize how important it is to find our self first, because that’s the foundation of everything. I had to learn I can’t ever lose myself for love, it’s clear now that the people who I thought I loved; I only had high expectations for. I was giving so much and wanting to receive the same. If you’re expecting to stay the same, you will never equally evolve with the ones around you.
Throughout life, our purposes may change. But I believe we can do so much with our lives, so don’t expect the clarity all at once. Because we wont know our purpose until we know who we are.
Someone once said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
Thank you 2013 for the great lesson that started my life journey.
Happy New Year